Watch a golf pro swing. Loose grip. Relaxed shoulders. The ball flies 300 yards. Now watch the amateur. Gripping the club like he's trying to strangle it. Jaw clenched. Swings like his life depends on it.
The ball dribbles 50 feet.
Same club. Same ball. Completely different result.
Business works the same way. Money works the same way. Relationships, aesthetics, all of it.
Force repels. Flow attracts.
I learned this the hard way...
Few years back, I was working 50-hour weeks as a PT in London. Up at 5am. Home at 9pm. Stressed out of my mind. Couldn't sleep properly. Waking up already dreading the day.
I thought I was doing everything right. Working hard. Hustling. Grinding. All the things you're supposed to do.
The incentives are broken. Stay late, look busy, grind your way to a slightly bigger number. That's the game they teach you to play...
My training suffered. My health suffered. My relationships suffered. I was earning decent money but running on fumes. Cortisol and caffeine keeping the whole thing together with duct tape.
And here's the mad part... I wasn't even getting ahead. I was just surviving.
These days I work 3-4 hours of focused work. Rest of the time is mine.
And I'm earning more. Way more.
The shift wasn't working harder. It was letting go.
I – The tension trap
Hustle culture is a scam.
Not the work itself. Work matters. But the idea that grinding 14 hours a day, running on no sleep, wearing exhaustion like a badge of honour... that's the path to success?
Bollocks.
I see it constantly. Guys posting 4am alarm screenshots. Bragging about how little they slept. How they're "locked in." How they're machines.
Meanwhile they're puffy, anxious, irritable, and their output is actually garbage because their nervous system is fried. And if you're honest with yourself? You're probably getting 2 hours of actual work done in your 14-hour day.
The rest is procrastination, task-switching, busywork, and staring at screens pretending to be productive.
Parkinson's Law.
Work expands to fill the time you give it. Give yourself a week to do something, it takes a week. Give yourself 4 hours, it gets done in 4 hours. And often the quality is better because you're focused, not scattered.
Simple scales. Complicated doesn't. And when something flops, most guys think "I'm shit." Wrong frame. The idea didn't work. You're not your ideas. Test, discard, move on. Your worth isn't tied to your conversion rate.
If you're overcomplicating everything, constantly stressed, constantly "busy" you're not building. You're spinning wheels.
The guys who are actually winning aren't grinding themselves into the ground. They've figured out the one thing that actually moves the needle, they do that thing with full focus, and then they go live their lives.
II – The spectrum
Let me show you something.
There's a spectrum that runs from desperation to magnetism. Most guys are stuck on the wrong end of it without even realising.
Desperation - needy, clinging, low energy. Chasing everything. Repelling everything.
Force - grinding, over-trying, clenched. Getting some results but burning out for diminishing returns.
Neutral - calm but passive. Nothing really moving. Just existing.
Relaxed - certain, grounded, playful. Things start flowing. Opportunities appear.
Magnetic - abundant, effortless attraction. Opportunities find you. People want to be around you. Money follows.
Most guys oscillate between desperation and force. They never reach relaxed because they think relaxed means lazy.
It doesn't.
Relaxed means disciplined underneath, calm on the surface. It means you've done the work, you trust the process, and you're not gripping onto every outcome.
That's what people trust. That's what attracts.
You know the type. Met someone and thought "this guy just has something." Can't explain it. He's not trying to impress you. Not chasing your approval. Just settled. Present. Certain.
That energy is magnetic. And it's not something you're born with. It's something you cultivate.
III – Why this actually works
The mechanics of why relaxed men attract more...
Your nervous system has two main modes.
Sympathetic, fight or flight
Parasympathetic, rest and digest
When you're stressed, anxious, grinding, forcing you're locked in sympathetic dominance. Your body thinks it's under threat. Cortisol floods your system. Testosterone drops. Decision-making suffers. Creativity tanks. You become reactive instead of intentional.
This isn't just feelings. It's physiology.
Chronic stress literally makes you worse at everything. Worse at thinking. Worse at connecting. Worse at selling. Worse at creating. Your nervous system is screaming danger, and everything you do carries that energy.
Ever notice your best ideas come in the shower? On a walk? Never at your desk staring at a blank screen trying to force it? That's not a coincidence mate. Relaxed state gives you access to the part of your brain that actually solves problems. Stressed state? Tunnel vision. You can't think clearly when your whole body's tense.
Think about it like COD. The kid spraying his whole mag panic-firing hits nothing (never me). The guy who waits, lines it up, one calm shot - he's running the lobby. Same game. Completely different results. Your nervous system works the same way. Panic mode means scattered energy, missed shots, wasted effort. Calm and deliberate means everything lands.
People feel it. Clients feel it. Women feel it. Opportunities feel it.
You know that guy who texts a girl way too much and she goes cold? That's not bad luck. That's desperate energy repelling. You know that sales call where you really needed the deal and it fell through? Same thing.
When you "need" something too badly, you push it away. The wanting itself creates resistance.
State before strategy. You can have the best funnel, the best offer, the best content – but if you're broadcasting desperation, none of it lands.
People buy energy before they buy products. They trust calm before they trust credentials.
The echo principle
There's a lecturer called Neville Goddard who said something that stuck with me. I keep a post-it note on my desk:
"The world is a mirror, forever reflecting what you are doing within yourself."
Whatever you're broadcasting internally, reality mirrors back externally.
Tense inside = resistance outside. Desperate inside = opportunities retreating. Relaxed, certain, abundant inside = things flowing toward you.
Your internal state changes your behaviour, your micro-expressions, your tone, your decisions, your presence. People pick up on it before you say a word. It's subconscious but it's real.
I've tested this myself. Visualised a client saying yes before the call. Felt it. Heard it. Then got on the call relaxed instead of desperate. Closed it. Coincidence? Maybe once. But it keeps happening.
IV – Energy is the foundation
Here's something most people miss entirely.
You can't think clearly if you feel like shit.
Critical thinking, creativity, decision-making, charisma... all of it requires capacity. Mental energy. Nervous system bandwidth.
Most men are too inflamed, too tired, too overstimulated to operate at their potential. They're running complex software on a system that's barely staying on.
Energy equals output. If you're a high-energy guy, you can do 10x the work in the same time as someone running on fumes. Not through grinding harder, but through having more fuel in the tank.
This is why health isn't separate from wealth. They're the same system.
The guy who sleeps 5 hours, eats garbage, never sees sunlight, and lives on caffeine? His best thinking is worse than a healthy man's average thinking. His "locked in" 14-hour day produces less than a regulated man's focused 4 hours.
Sexual energy is creative energy. Same source.
The guys constantly leaking it with porn, mindless scrolling, validation-seeking... they're running on empty. No drive. No magnetism. No spark.
The guys who've learned to retain and redirect it... a totally different animal entirely. Sharper. More present. More alive.
That energy has to go somewhere. Redirect it into building – your business, your body, your craft and watch what happens. The drive becomes relentless. Ideas flow easier. You stop procrastinating because you've actually got fuel in the tank...
Every great creator, builder, entrepreneur running on purpose? They've figured this out. The energy you waste chasing dopamine hits is the same energy that builds empires.
You don't have to go full monk mode. But if you're wondering why you feel flat, start there.
Charisma starts in the mitochondria
You can't project power if your cells are dead.
Low energy = invisibility. You fade into the background. Your words don't land. Your presence doesn't register.
High energy = magnetism. You walk into a room and people notice. Not because you're loud or trying, because your cells are actually alive.
This is why I'm obsessive about the basics. Sleep. Sunlight. Movement. Real food. Nervous system regulation.
Not because I'm a health nerd. Because energy is the foundation of everything else... income, relationships, creativity, presence. Without it, you're playing the game on hard mode with a broken controller.
V – My shift
I didn't figure this out from a book. I figured it out from breaking.
50-hour weeks in London. Body falling apart. Mind racing constantly. Relationships strained. Earning decent money but running on empty.
I remember lying in bed at night, exhausted but wired. Couldn't switch off. Already anxious about tomorrow before today had even finished.
I thought I needed to work harder. Push through. That's what everyone said, right? No pain no gain. Sleep when you're dead. All that nonsense.
It took burning out completely to realise the game was rigged. The harder I pushed, the more resistance I created.
The shift happened gradually. It started small. Meditating on the tube to work. Twenty minutes, eyes closed, everyone else doom-scrolling. Did it every day. Compound effect kicked in. Started getting ideas. Clarity I didn't have before. That led to working online. That led to leaving the job entirely. One small habit snowballed into a completely different life.
That's why I always say - if you're lost, go inward first. The answers aren't out there. They're in the silence.
Moved abroad eventually. That meditation practice gave me the clarity to see a different path. Started working online. Then I had freedom. Spent years living all over - Bali, Australia, Spain, Albania, different parts of Europe.
Started my mornings slower. Walk with Teddy. Sunlight. No phone for the first hour. Let my nervous system actually wake up instead of immediately flooding it with stress.
Built in non-negotiables. Sauna. Cold exposure. Zone 2 cardio. Time in nature. Not as luxuries, as foundations.
And something strange happened.
The less I worked, the more clarity I had. The more clarity I had, the better my decisions. The better my decisions, the more money flowed.
Ideas started coming easier. Content that would have taken me days to force out started flowing in hours. Clients appeared without me chasing. Opportunities landed that I couldn't have manufactured.
I stopped grinding and started attracting.
The nervous system knows. When you're relaxed, regulated, operating from abundance... the whole game changes. You stop pushing and start pulling.
VI – The environment trap
Your environment is either building you or breaking you.
Most guys don't realise how much their surroundings are shaping their state. The people. The places. The inputs. The light. The air. All of it feeds directly into your nervous system and either raises or lowers your frequency.
The hometown trap
I grew up in a small countryside village in South West England. Beautiful place on paper. But dangerous for ambition.
The energy was flat. No one chasing mastery. Same cycle everywhere... same job, mortgage, pub, complain, repeat. Low standards become "normal" if you stay too long.
Comfort zone disguised as stability.
I spent a few years chasing the right environment. Different cities, different countries. Eventually found what worked. Sun daily. Inspiration flowing. Creativity and ambition came back online.
Same person, completely different output... because the environment changed.
Three signs your environment is killing you:
You feel stale. Same pub, same faces, same routine.
You've stopped meeting new high-level people. No one challenges you.
You're less inspired. No energy, no spark, no vision.
If those hit, your environment isn't neutral. It's actively lowering your frequency.
Environment shapes physiology
This isn't just motivation talk. Light, air, and food are direct signals to your biology.
Sunlight affects testosterone, dopamine, circadian rhythm. Urban smog versus sea air- your energy goes up or down. The people around you shape your hormones, your posture, your drive.
You adapt to match the energy around you. If that energy is low, you sink. If it's high, you rise.
You can't out-discipline a bad environment. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is leave.
VII – The oversocialised man
Here's something counterintuitive.
Most men are too connected and not connected enough at the same time.
Surrounded by people. Starved of depth. Constant contact but no real connection. Validation disguised as communication.
Notifications. Group chats. Comments. DMs. Always reachable. Never alone.
And they wonder why they can't think clearly.
Your attention is the most valuable thing you own. And you're giving it away for free – to notifications, to algorithms, to other people's opinions. Every time you check your phone, you're training your nervous system to need stimulation. You're removing your capacity to sit with yourself.
You'd rather feel anxious and distracted than face the discomfort of silence. But that silence is where everything you want actually lives.
Solitude is a superpower
The man who truly breaks free is the one who turns inward.
When you stop performing for the world and start building for yourself, your energy changes. You become grounded. Unshakable.
Most men fear silence. They fill every gap with noise - podcasts, music, scrolling, conversation. Anything to avoid being alone with their own thoughts.
But that's where the clarity lives. That's where the vision comes from. That's where you hear the signal instead of the noise.
Time alone isn't loneliness. It's sovereignty.
Signs you're oversocialised:
You feel anxious when you're alone.
You need constant noise or stimulation to focus.
You seek permission or validation before acting.
Your opinions change based on who's watching.
You'd rather be accepted than be authentic.
If any of those land, you've outsourced your thinking to the crowd. And you won't get it back until you spend time in silence.
VIII – Presence over performance
Charisma is just being deeply present in your body. Clear, calm energy. Speaking with conviction. Not needing to impress.
Why do most men lack it?
Addicted to dopamine hits. Always distracted. Nervous system dysregulated. Afraid of being seen for who they actually are.
They're performing constantly. Editing themselves. Monitoring how they're being perceived. And people feel that inauthenticity immediately - they just can't name it.
Dispenza talks about this too. Most people's attention is constantly pulled into replaying past memories or rehearsing future anxieties. They're never actually here. That's why they have no presence. Their body's in the room but their mind is somewhere else entirely.
Presence isn't a technique. It's what happens when you stop time-travelling.
You've seen the opposite of presence in action. The bloke in the lift who won't make eye contact because he's buried in his phone. Shallow, rapid breathing. Bumps into people without a word of apology. Can't return a simple good morning. He's probably not a bad person - he's just so compressed by speed that there's no room left for basic human warmth.
His nervous system is screaming threat, and everyone around him feels it without knowing why. That's what tension looks like wearing a nice suit. That's the energy that repels before you've even opened your mouth.
How you rewire this:
Cold exposure, breathwork, sunlight - your nervous system reset button.
Strength training - builds presence, not just muscle.
Clean food - clean thoughts. Your diet affects your clarity.
Speak like your words matter. Slow, steady, grounded.
Eye contact that grounds, not creeps.
Stillness. Owning space without seeking validation.
Silly goose maxxing
Sounds ridiculous (works brilliantly)
Goofiness plus groundedness equals magnetism.
When you can be playful without losing your centre, you disarm people. They feel safe, then intrigued. You become the fun guy AND the strong guy.
The modern world is allergic to joy. Everyone's so serious, so optimised, so concerned with looking impressive.
The man who can laugh, be light, not take himself too seriously... while still being grounded and capable - that's the man people want to be around.
Nothing better than a cigar with the boys being ridiculous. That's the energy. Laughing at stupid stuff, no agenda, nowhere to be. That's when you're actually alive.
Magnetic presence isn't selfish. It's the opposite. When your nervous system is calm and you're not mentally racing ahead, you have capacity for other people. You actually notice them. You're actually there. That's rare now. Most people are half-present at best, already somewhere else in their head. The man who can be fully where he is becomes memorable without trying. Calm is felt. Presence is felt. Can't fake it. Can't force it. You earn it by slowing down. Jamesbondmaxxing.
IX – Food as frequency
What you eat isn't just about macros. It's about energy. Radiance. Presence.
Your skin, your hair, your face - all built by what you eat.
The average guy eats like a depressed teenager. Seed oils. Processed meat. Energy drinks. Beige slop.
You cannot look elite if your cells are built with garbage.
And here's one most people miss entirely...
Your gut is your second brain. Inflamed gut equals scattered mind. The guys eating seed oils and processed garbage aren't just killing their face. They're killing their ability to think clearly, focus deeply, and be present.
You can't have a magnetic presence if your microbiome is a warzone.
Your face doesn't lie
Hormones, digestion, and inflammation all show up on your face.
Puffy face, tired eyes, rough skin - that's not genetics. That's lifestyle.
Bright eyes, tight jaw, sharp cheekbones - that's vitality.
Your face is a direct mirror of your cellular health. If you want a model-tier face, you need model-tier inputs.
You can't fake radiance. It's earned through lifestyle.
What actually matters:
Eat for radiance, not just results. Most men eat for macros but ignore minerals, digestion, and vitality.
Cut the seed oils. PUFAs oxidise in your body. Cellular stress. Poor skin. Faster ageing. Even lean guys can look inflamed if their fat sources are garbage.
Don't fear sugar from fruit. Sugar from fruit, raw honey, juice - it fuels your metabolism and nervous system. Low-carb diets give you flat muscles, hollow face, poor thyroid. You're not meant to live off caffeine and cortisol.
Support your liver. The liver regulates energy, hormones, and skin clarity. A sluggish liver means dull face, bloating, low mood. Fruit, roots, quality protein, minerals.
Get collagen. Bone broth, gelatin, slow-cooked meat. Supports skin elasticity, joints, gut lining. Most guys don't get enough.
Eat enough. Undereating kills glow, libido, and recovery. A calorie deficit has its place. Chronic restriction doesn't.
X – The practical anchors
Right, enough philosophy. Here's what actually creates the relaxed state.
1. Nervous system regulation
This is the foundation. Everything else builds on it.
Breathwork - box breathing or slow nasal breathing when tension creeps in. Immediate reset.
Sauna and cold exposure - 20 minutes sauna, then cold plunge. Nothing resets the system faster. That post-sauna feeling is what relaxed abundance actually feels like. No supplement replicates it.
Magnesium before bed. Taurine if wired. The basics most guys ignore.
2. Walking and Zone 2
10-15k steps a day. Non-negotiable.
This is where downloads come from. Where ideas arrive. Where stress dissolves.
I take most of my calls walking Teddy now. Voice notes while getting my steps in. You don't need to be chained to a desk staring at a screen to do real work. That whole "locked in" aesthetic? It's performance. Output is output. Doesn't matter if you're in a home office or halfway up a hill.
Zone 2 cardio is magic for the brain. Clears the fog. Regulates mood. Compounds into a different baseline of energy over time.
3. Morning sunlight
Outside within 30 minutes of waking. Direct sunlight in your eyes. Walk with the dog before anything else.
This sets your circadian rhythm. Cortisol spikes in the morning instead of 11pm when you're trying to sleep.
Testosterone, dopamine, mood - all improved by this one practice that costs nothing.
4. Training for energy, not exhaustion
3-4 sessions a week. Full intensity. Full recovery.
I'm not training to destroy myself. I'm training to generate energy. There's a difference.
Most guys finish a workout depleted. I want to finish charged. That means proper recovery, proper nutrition, not redlining every session.
The goal is to look like a Greek god AND have energy left to build a life. Not one or the other.
5. Stillness and silence
20-30 minutes a day of nothing.
No input. No phone. No podcast. No music.
This is where the signal comes through. The clarity. The intuition. The ideas you couldn't access when constantly stimulated.
Your brain needs room to breathe. Not more podcasts. Not another video. Actual quiet. The guys doing big things aren't the ones consuming the most - they're the ones who gave themselves space to actually think. Twenty minutes a day. Phone off. Nothing playing. Just sit with whatever comes up.
Sounds boring. It's not. That's where the answers are. That's where your next move shows up.
Dispenza calls meditation "becoming no one, no thing, no where, no time." Sounds mental. But that's the point... you dissolve the identity that's keeping you stuck. Most men are terrified of this. They don't know who they are without the noise, the hustle, the constant doing.
But on the other side of that fear is the version of you that doesn't need anything. And that's the version that attracts everything.
Attraction comes from calm, not chaos.
6. Environment design
You can't out-discipline a bad environment.
The people around you. The places you spend time. The inputs you consume. All of it either fuels you or drains you.
I moved out of London deliberately. Live rurally now. Countryside. Nature. Space to think.
Not everyone can do that. But everyone can audit their environment. Cut the people who drain you. Curate your information diet. Design your space for the person you're becoming.
7. Letting go of attachment
The hardest one.
Set the goal. Take the action. Release the outcome.
High energy plus no attachment equals flow state (reduce the importance)
The moment you clench around a result.. "I NEED this client, I NEED this deal, I NEED her to text back" you create the resistance that pushes it away.
Act, then release. Trust that if you've done the work, the results will come. And if they don't come in the form you expected, something better is on the way.
Emergency energy resets
When you need to shift state fast:
5-10 minutes outside. Sunlight and fresh air.
Cold water on your face. Or a cold shower. Shave.
10-15 minute walk. Zone 2. Resets brain and nervous system.
Breathwork. Box breathing or Wim Hof.
Bounding or explosive skips. Nervous system wake-up.
Drop and do push-ups. Blood and testosterone surge.
These are your "break glass in case of emergency" tools. Use them.
XI – What's actually BS
Let me call out what doesn't work.
Hustle porn
The guys posting "rise and grind" while running on cortisol and caffeine. They're not winning. They're performing. Most are one bad month away from breakdown.
14-hour days sound impressive until you realise you're getting 2 hours of output and destroying your health for the other 12.
Forcing when depleted
Grinding through exhaustion isn't discipline. It's stupidity.
You can't pour from an empty cup. Rest isn't weakness. It's where the gains happen.
Needy sales energy
Chasing clients. Desperate DMs. "Just checking in" follow-ups every two days.
People feel your state before they read your words. If you need the sale, they sense it. And it repels them.
The best salespeople don't chase. They attract.
The tension = discipline myth
Being stressed doesn't mean you're working hard. It means your nervous system is dysregulated.
Discipline is doing the thing whether you feel like it or not. Tension is doing the thing while your body screams at you to stop.
One builds you. The other breaks you.
Filling the void with work
A lot of guys work 14-hour days because they've forgotten how to live.
Work becomes the escape. The identity. The thing that keeps them from facing the emptiness underneath.
If you stopped working tomorrow, would you know what to do with yourself? If not, that's a problem. And more work won't solve it.
Constant connection
Always reachable. Always online. Never alone.
This isn't productivity. It's avoidance. You're outsourcing your thinking to the crowd and wondering why you have no original ideas.
Solitude isn't loneliness. It's where clarity lives.
XII – The real issue
Here's what's actually going on underneath all of this.
Most guys grind because they're scared to stop.
If they relax, they have to face the void. The question they've been avoiding: who am I without the hustle?
Work becomes identity. Proof of worth. The thing that keeps the existential terror at bay.
Deep down there's a belief: if I ease off, I'll lose. Someone will overtake me. I'll fall behind. I'll be exposed as not good enough.
So they keep pushing. Keep forcing. Keep running on a treadmill that's going nowhere.
Lads tell themselves "this is just for now." Grinding now, live later. But later keeps moving, doesn't it? The guy skipping sleep at 25 is the same guy skipping it at 45. The patterns you're building now? They stick. If you can't enjoy the process, you won't magically enjoy the destination either. You're not grinding through something. You're building a cage.
But here's the truth they don't want to hear: the neediness is the problem.
Wanting too hard pushes things away. Letting go opens the channel.
Importance creates imbalance
There's a concept in Reality Transurfing called "importance." When you make something too important - money, success, a client, a girl - you create excess potential. An energetic imbalance. And reality moves to correct that imbalance by pushing the thing away.
That's why desperate people stay desperate. That's why the rich get richer. The ones who have don't need. The ones who need can't have.
It's not fair. But it's physics.
Faith is loyalty to unseen reality
Most guys abandon the vision the moment external facts contradict it. That's not faith. That's hoping.
Real faith means you commit to the version of yourself who already has it. Relaxed. Abundant. Magnetic. You stay loyal to that vision even when the bank account says otherwise. Even when the client says no. Even when the algorithm buries you...
You don't need to know HOW. You go to the end state and stay there. The path reveals itself.
The pendulum trap
The hustle culture gurus are a pendulum - an energy structure feeding on your stress and attention. They need you anxious and grinding to keep watching their content. They profit from your tension.
The exit is simple: stop reacting. Observe without fighting. Focus your energy on your own life, your own goals, your own frequency.
Become the man who doesn't need. That's the man who gets everything.
XIII – The identity shift
This isn't just about tactics. It's about who you become.
Authenticity isn't found. It's expressed.
Most men spend their lives performing. Editing themselves. Trying to be what they think others want.
I did this. TV, modelling, brand deals - looked impressive but felt empty. Trapped in an identity that wasn't mine.
The shift came when I started expressing instead of performing. Posting daily. Being myself. Saying what I actually thought instead of what would get approval.
And that's when opportunities started flowing. Not despite the authenticity. Because of it.
Pain as fuel
The breaking is part of the process.
The toxic relationship. The burnout. The failure. The heartbreak.
Pain introduces a man to himself.
I'm going through something right now with family. Can't control it. Can't fix it. But I can control how I show up. My training's never been better. My focus has sharpened. The business is moving.
Not because I'm ignoring it. Because I'm channelling it.
You have two choices when pain hits: destruction or discipline. You either let it crush you or you let it forge you.
Most men with that "it factor", that relaxed magnetic presence, didn't start there. They got broken first. And they chose to rebuild.
Pride over happiness
Most guys say they want to be happy. Sounds reasonable, right? Everyone wants to be happy.
But here's the problem. When you're chasing happiness, you're chasing feelings. And feelings are temporary. Fleeting. They come and go like weather.
So what do you do? You chase the next hit. The night out. The takeaway. The scroll. The drink. The dopamine spike that makes you feel good for 20 minutes before you're back to feeling empty.
That's not happiness. That's just avoiding the void.
I stopped chasing happiness a while back. Started chasing pride instead.
Different game entirely.
Pride isn't about feeling good in the moment. It's about looking in the mirror and respecting the man looking back. It's about doing the hard thing when no one's watching. It's about your mates, your family, your girl being able to say "yeah, that's my guy" and actually mean it.
When you optimise for pride, you make different decisions.
You don't skip the gym because you're tired. You don't stay out til 3am on a Tuesday. You don't cut corners on your work. You don't lie to avoid discomfort.
You do the thing that future you will thank you for. Even when present you doesn't feel like it.
Happiness is downstream of pride. Get the pride right and the happiness follows. Chase happiness directly and you end up with neither.
The relaxed, magnetic men we've been talking about? They're not chasing good feelings. They're building lives they're proud of. And that pride radiates outward. People feel it.
That's the energy that attracts.
Facing yourself
Distraction is the real drug.
Booze, parties, porn, scrolling (all just escape routes from yourself)
Most men can't sit alone sober. Can't face the silence. Can't be with their own thoughts for 10 minutes without reaching for something.
Authenticity requires facing yourself. Sitting in the discomfort. Letting the noise fade so you can hear what's actually there.
That's where the real you lives. Under all the performance. Under all the distraction. Under all the noise.
When you finally meet him, the game changes.
Stop thinking, start doing
One more thing. All of this means nothing if you just sit there reading about it...
Most lads are stuck in their own heads. Planning the perfect routine. Researching the best approach. One more article. One more video. One more podcast.
Meanwhile nothing actually happens.
Sometimes you just need to do the obvious thing. Want to get lean? Get to the gym. Want to meet people? Leave the house. Want to start a business? Sell something.
The guys winning don't have it all figured out. They just move. Decide quick. Trust your gut. Stop waiting for permission.
Relaxed doesn't mean sitting around. It means moving without all the friction. Acting without needing every detail sorted first.
XIV – The choice
Look, I'm not telling you to stop working. Work matters. Building matters.
But there's a difference between focused, intentional work from a place of relaxed certainty and frantic, desperate grinding from a place of fear
One builds empires. The other builds burnout.
You can keep doing what you've been doing. Keep forcing. Keep grinding. Keep wondering why it's not flowing despite all your effort.
Or you can try something different.
90 days
Regulate your nervous system
Train for energy, not exhaustion
Get morning sunlight
Walk daily
Create stillness
Design your environment
Eat for radiance
Spend time in solitude
Let go of attachment
Watch what happens to your income. Your opportunities. Your relationships. Your face in the mirror. Your presence when you walk into a room.
The men who look like they have everything aren't working harder than you. They've just stopped needing it so badly.
Money flows to men who are relaxed.
Not because they're lucky. Not because they're talented. Because they've stopped blocking it.
The golf swing of life. Loose grip. Smooth follow-through. Effortless power.
Be him now.
If you got to the end of this, fair play. Appreciate you.
— Achilles
